The Year of Crack!
by LovingYouAtFirstSight
Summary: 365 Days of Crack!Drabbles. All pairings in this collection are considered unrealistic to say the least. Each chapter a new great pairing. Warnings and ratings vary per chapter. Enter if you dare!
1. Out of Bed

**Quick Description of this Collection:** 365 days of _**Crack!**_ Drabbles. All pairings in this collection are considered unrealistic to say the least. These are purely for entertainment and on most ( _Yes I say_ _most_ ) occasions I would not think to ship these. This collection has been fun to write and even more fun to edit. I hope you enjoy them too.

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #1: Draco Malfoy and Peeves

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #1: New

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Homosexual Pairing / Ghost Love

 **Out of Bed**

"I know you are out of bed," Filch sneer from down the hall. Peeves smiled a crook smile. The only thing better than watching a student getting caught out of bed, was helping to catch a student out of bed.

Peeves flew down the opposite end of the hallway his smile a permanent fixture on his face. He heard the quick tap of footfalls to his left and made a quick dash down the hall.

"I can hear you," he sang making the footfalls stop quickly. He laughed manically at the ignorance of the child, and then he turned the corner and saw him. A head of platinum hair atop a pale face that held two silver, frightened eyes. He stopped before the boy, the smile disappearing from his face.

"Peeves," the boy begged, his breath was quick and came out in soft wisps before Peeves.

"Run," Peeves whispered. Then he turned around and flew up the hallway making noise away from the boy.

Draco stood still for a moment sure Peeves would come back, but before he could think to long he bolted down the hall listening to Filch yell at Peeves for tricking him.

Once safely in his dorm, Draco smiled a warm comforting grin. He had never felt this way before, but something about the twist in his stomach told him he would feel it for a long time.


	2. Judgemental Eyes

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #2: Penelope Clearwater and Helga Hufflepuff

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #2: Glory

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Homosexual Pairing / Object Love (I think that is the correct term) / Cross-Gen

 **Judgemental Eyes**

"Penelope?" In his shock Percy spoke loudly, almost forgetting everyone around them was studying. He was subsequently hushed by many other students who were cramming for exams. Penelope looked up at him, an amused smile on her face at Percy getting hushed.

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Who is that a picture of on your folder?" he asked starring at the book and not looking at all embarrassed. Penelope creased her eyebrows at him and pulled the book towards her. A large smile spread across her face when she saw what he was referring too.

"Percy, you know who that is. It is Helga Hufflepuff in all her glory," she said lovingly starring at the picture of Helga.

"What is it doing on your folder?" Percy asked. "You're a Ravenclaw," he added dumbly making Penelope look up at him her eyes dark and clouded.

"So?" she barked a little too loud. "You're a Gryffindor," she added haughtily. Percy looked back at Penelope with a quizzical expression.

"You want to date Helga?" he asked carefully. Penelope stood up quickly making her chair scrap violently against the floor.

"I think I want to study in peace," she spat before turning around and leaving the library.

Once safely away from judgemental eyes she pulled the folder out of her bag and stared at the picture.

"I love you no matter what anyone thinks," she said softly, pulling the folder to her lips and kissing the picture with great passion.


	3. Another Time

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #3: Marvolo Gaunt and Sirius Black

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #3: Snow

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Homosexual Pairing / Cross-Gen

 **Another Time**

It was never a good idea to play with Time Turners, many wizards knew this. Then again, almost every wizard who ever came across one ended up using it to their advantage at one point or another.

So when Sirius Black lay his hands on a golden turner his curiosity, like many before, got the better of him. First it was short trips, back to times where he could skip classes and lie on the Quidditch pitch until dinner. Or sneak around with Remus in the evenings.

Soon, around the time Remus chose to end everything, his curiosity lead him to one life changing question: "How far back can I go?"

He twisted the dial of the turner nearly one hundred times before the cogs jammed and the turner shook in his hand.

When he opened his eyes again he knew two things. It was the first proper snowfall of the year which, on the grounds of Hogwarts, was had always been the most magical moment of the year. Secondly, the boy he had landed on was about to get the shock of his life.

When the boy scrambled from under Sirius he stood up straight and glared angrily at him.

"What were you thinking?" he yelled angrily.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Sirius said bashfully. The boy noticed the turner in Sirius' hand and sighed.

"I don't care _when_ you are from," he said helping Sirius up off the ground. "Let's get you inside where it is warm."

Sirius didn't know then that this boy was Marvolo Gaunt, and even when he found out he didn't much care, because it took no time at all for Sirius to fall for Marvolo.


	4. Case Study 14369-83L

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #4: Pius Thickness and Harfang Longbottom

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #4: Heart

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Case Study format / Sexual Abuse (paedophilia) / Cross-Gen

 **Case Study 14695-83L – The People vs. Harfang Longbottom**

 **Date:** 30-09-1983

 **Victim's Name:** Pius Thicknesse

 **Background**

Pius was presented to St. Mungo's Psychiatric facility with the following symptoms

Severe bed wetting

Unwilling to communicate

Heighten fascination in blacking out faces in photos

Unpredictable magic in the form of explosives

These symptoms are commonly present in a child between the ages of seven and eleven, who have been sexually assaulted. Included in these notes is a short conversation with Pius. This is an account after he admitted to being assaulted by an adult.

 **Case Study: 14695-83L**

 **Conversation between Meredith Hitchen and Pius Thicknesse**

September 18th 1983; 19:05

Session #4

Meredith: Pius, did someone touch you where you don't like to be touched?

Pius: Yes

Meredith: Can you tell me who would do that to you?

Pius: Mr. Longbottom

Meredith: Does this happen often?

Pius: Sometimes mummy has to go into work during the day, before daddy gets home. Mr. Longbottom offered to look after me if she ever needed it. Sometimes he even comes over for dinner, and he will help take me to bed.

Meredith: What happens when he takes you to bed?

Pius: Mr. Longbottom asks me to get undressed and then

 **Please be advised this interview was stopped at 19:15 due to uncontrollably hysterics by the victim Pius Thicknesse. The interview with the victim, Pius Thicknesse, was rescheduled for September 13** **th** **1983; 19:00.**


	5. Starlight, Star Bright

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #5: Marge Dursley and Anitoch Peverell

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #5: Starlight

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Very cross-gen

 **Starlight, Star Bright**

"Count them Marge," Antioch instructed pointing to the first burst of stars that had littered the night sky. Marge turned her round face up to the sky and tried to count against the fading blue sky.

One, two, three….

It was no use the more she looked the more stars she could see.

"You know I can't count them all," she sighed roughly, the edges of her anger piercing Antioch. He stepped closer to her and took her hand in his.

"You can do anything Marge," he said softly. Marge looked down at him her eyes brimming with tears.

"No one has ever said that to me," she whispered her anger subsiding. Antioch moved closer and pressed his lips to hers before she could protest. There under the starlight they kissed deep and passionately into the night.

Marge woke so quickly she almost fell out of bed. She sat up breathing deeply trying to disconnect the dream from reality. Then with an angry sigh she realised it was a dream after all. She always did have strange dreams at her brother's house, almost as if by magic. This was absolutely absurd because Magic did not exist.

Did it?


	6. Payback

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #6: Orion Black and Griphook

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #6: Uncertainty

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Slash Paring/ Goblin and Human / Cross-Gen(?)

 **Payback**

" _Orion." The goblin spoke with resistance and uncertainty, the man standing before him was powerful._

" _Griphook you have to understand my position," Orion said darkly making Griphook's stomach turn with anger and sadness._

" _Your position?" Griphook repeated carefully._

" _Majority of my family are following he-who-must-not-be-named. I have to end this now before anything bad happens," Orion said pacing in front of Griphook._

" _Well, I thought we were more than that," Griphook spat._

" _We are," Orion stopped and turned to Griphook, his face was pulled tight with concern. "That's why I have to end this, I want you to be safe," he said desperately._

As Griphook lay on the floor of a cold cell located in the depths of the Malfoy Mansion, he couldn't help but smile. It was an evil and vindictive smile at his old Flame Orion Black, because even though his heart was broken to keep him safe, he still managed not to be. That was the best form of payback Griphook could ever ask for.


	7. Falling to Pieces

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #7: Travers and Oliver Wood

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #7: Breakfast

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Slash Paring / Cross-Gen

 **Falling to Pieces**

Oliver ran down the hallway as quick as he could, at every turn his school was falling to pieces and he couldn't do anything to save it.

This was the school that taught him to play Quidditch, the only thing he had ever been good at.

This was the school that recommended him to Internship for Quidditch Global. All he could do was stand by and watch it crumble.

When he turned the corner he collided with a Death Eater, anger bubbled within him as he pulled out his wand and raised it to the face of this Death Eater. The Death Eater chuckled before removing the mask making Oliver's eyes brim with tears.

"Travers," he said softly. Travers stepped forward and planted a short kiss on Oliver's lips before replacing his mask and heading down the same way Oliver came.

Now Oliver could no longer move, Travers was helping create this mess.

Travers, the man that he was secretly dating.

The man that just yesterday made him Breakfast in bed.

The man that Oliver could not bring himself to hate.


	8. The Game

**For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge** – Pairing #8: Piers Polkiss and Lev Zograf

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge** – Prompt #8: Achievement

 **Warnings for this Chapter:** Slash Paring / Sexual references / Slight Smut

 **The Game**

Lev had a game he liked to play whenever he was on tour; he had of course made up this game so the title was crude and unusual.

He called his game: Bang a Muggle

Whenever the Bulgarian National Team would come to a new location he would spend his nights playing this game, and every now and then one of his team mates would join him. However this particular night he was alone, which meant he could let his fantasies fly.

So as he sat in the weirdly quiet Muggle establishment known as a bar, he searched for the best possible candidate. His eyes landed on a young man Lev guessed to be around 19. He watched him carefully throughout the night as the man's friends started to leave, eventually the man was alone and Lev swooped in.

"Hello," he said taking a seat next to the man. "My name is Lev Zograf, but you would know that of course," he added his winning opening line.

"Would I?" The man asked quizzically.

"Oh wow, I didn't think there were many people left who didn't know me. I am keeper for the Bulgarian Soccer Team after all," he said acting as surprised as he could.

"Really?" he asked excitedly. Lev cocked a half-grin at the ignorance of this man, he was more gullible than most of the girls he sort after.

"Yea," Lev said looking up at the bartender and nodding for more drinks. "So how long have you been living in London?" he asked as the bartender brought over two beers and two shots.

Lev left Piers' place at around two in the morning, sneaking out had always been a specialty of his. As he left he thought of his great achievement tonight, he had, for the first time in his left, slept with a man. Maybe he would go out on his own every night.


	9. Obsession

Morfin Gaunt had what could be referred to as an obsessive nature. He obsessed over power, riches and status. But mostly, his obsession was built around animals. A particular animal in fact, he obsessed over frogs.

His house was filled with stuffed frogs and reptile skin rugs. He kept the heat turned up to a sweltering degree in order to keep his live frogs comfortable. He had an obsession like no other when it came to frogs.

Or so it was presumed, until he came across a particularly attractive toad, to his eyes anyway. This toad was brown, with black spots. A normal garden toad, but from the moment Morfin laid eyes on him, he was in love.

He protected this toad from all ailments, and when the toad was about to die, he extended the life using a dark magic not many had mastered.

This toad was passed through families after Morfin died everyone to afraid to anger Morfin's spirit. The toad finally made its way to the Longbottom family where he was named Trevor.

…

 **A/N: I am not sure I like the ending, but Morfin and Trevor was a particularly hard pairing.**

 **For 365 Days of Drabbles Challenge - #9 Obsession**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge - #9 Morfin Gaunt / Trevor**


	10. Keep It Down

**Rating: K**

 **Pairing: Irma Pince and Seamus Finnigan**

 **Warnings: Cross-Gen, Unrequited Love**

…

"Keep it down," I snapped starring at a particular pair of red-headed boys. They were such a nuisance; I don't understand why they bother coming to my library. Then again, I don't understand why any of them do. They are just a bunch of dim-witted children who take no pleasure in the art of power through knowledge.

Then again, there is one boy who-

No dammit Irma, keep him out of your head.

Where was I? Ah yes, dim-witted children abusing the gift of knowledge. How dare they come into my library and make a racket! This is a place of books, learning, silence and-

"Ma'am?" he was standing in front of me, his beautiful face, and his mouth wrapping around accented words. It was enough to make a woman's heart flutter. Of course mine was hammering against my ribcage. I smiled up at him; it felt strange and flat against my face. He was looking at me quizzically before I realised there was a textbook perched on the table.

"I was just returning the book you recommended," he said taking a step back. I had to keep him there with me; I had to hear his voice again.

"Thank you Seamus," I said trying to remove the twisted smile from my face as my heart fluttered in my chest. "Would you like another about hiddlypinks?" I asked thinking of fifty other books I could get him.

"No I finished that assignment. I do need something about unicorns though," he said absently, before he had finished I was out of my chair and getting the best book I knew the library had about unicorns. He smiled with great delight when I returned and left after expressing his gratitude. My heart somersaulted in my chest, I could barely keep still.

I knew he liked me.

…..

 **For 365 Days of Prompts Challenge - #10 Flutter**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge - #10 Irma Pince/Seamus Finnigan**

 **For If you Dare Challenge – Method To My Madness**

 **For 170 Prompts Challenge – List #4: #12 Textbook**


	11. Tipsy Kisses

**Rating: K(plus)**

 **Pairing: Charlie Weasley and Dr. Granger (who I named Mike)**

 **Warnings: Mentions Sex, Slash pairing**

… **.**

I wasn't even meant to be in Diagon Alley that day. It was my first day off in months and Hagrid begged that I come. He needed help with his motorcycle; apparently I was the only person in the world who was able to help him.

We met at the Three Broomsticks and around two ventured out into the warm afternoon breeze, by this stage we were both fairly tipsy. We were laughing, Hargid's booming laugh was causing quite a disruption, many people were watching with delight and some with fear. I was starring at Hagrid when it happens, I collided with another person. Hagrid kept walking without realising. I stood up and help the gentleman up too. He was fairly young, mid thirties I would say, he had brown hair and seemed to be alone. He apologised for not looking where he was going, but I wasn't really listening. All I could think was, I have to kiss this man.

Weather it was the drink talking or for the first time in my life I had found someone worth being attracted to, I pulled him down the side of a building and kissed him passionately. I assumed he would push me away, curse me and run off without another glance. But he didn't, he pulled me against him holding me to his body and pushing back into the kiss.

…

"My wife will be home soon Charlie," Mike Granger whispered into my ear. We were both naked and spooning in his bed. I knew we still had a least an hour before that would be a problem but the thought of being caught sent a thrill over my body. I turned to face him my erection noticeable against him.

"We still have an hour, maybe we could try for round three?" I suggested reaching under the covers to find his erection. Mike tried to protest, I could see the struggle, but once my hand was pulling at him he forgot his protest and pulled me against him, kissing me hard.

…..

 **For 365 Days of Drabbles Challenge - #11 Breeze**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge - #11 Dr. Granger and Charlie Weasley**

 **For If You Dare Challenge – Motorcycles**


	12. Experiences

**Rating: T**

 **Pairing: Perenelle Famel and Fang the Boar Hound**

 **Warnings: Mentions Bestiality**

…

"It is always a pleasure to see you Perenelle," Dumbledore said shaking Perenelle's hand as they made their way out the large oak doors.

"It is a shame that this will be the last time," Perenelle nodded looking up at the night sky. Dumbledore nodded solemnly, unable to find words to express to his dear friend.

"You will come to the funeral?" Perenelle asked lightly, this would now have to be normal conversation.

"Of course," Dumbledore sighed finally looking over at Perenelle.

"Nick will not take this lightly, but it has to be done," she said with a weak smile, the stone was weighing heavily against her bag. They said their goodbyes and Perenelle walked slowly across the grounds.

This was the end, the end of her short 658 years.

She would never make it to 1000 like she was promised.

She would never finish reading her library of books like she wanted.

She would never experience anything more than she already had.

She swiped at the tears falling down her face; then suddenly felt a different weight against her leg. She stopped and looked down; at her feet was a dog. He was grey, and stupid looking, his big puppy smile was covered in drool.

She stared at the dog and a new sensation wrapped around her. Maybe there was a chance to try something new.

Then she coaxed the dog into the forest with her. She was already unpopular within the grounds of Hogwarts as it was.

….

 **A/N: Sorry! This was a weird one to write…**

 **For 365 Days of Drabbles - #12 Unpopular**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge - #12 Perenelle Flamel and Fang**


	13. What Happened That Summer

**Rating: K+**

 **Pairing: Irma Pince and Cornelius Fudge**

 **Warnings: Alludes to abuse**

… **.**

It was no secret that Irma was strict, in fact if you asked any of the students she was around these days, she was much worse.

Of course, Irma was not always this way. I remember when she was fun, bubbly and outgoing. I remember her wanted to be on the Quidditch team so badly, she would practice until she was covered in dirt.

I remember laughing along with her while others watched with annoyance. I remember who Irma was; I remember how in love with her I was. I remember when it all changed.

It was just before Summer Break of our fourth year at school, when she received a letter from her mother.

"Ugh," she groaned tossing the letter aside at breakfast. "Mum has a new boyfriend," she added rolling her eyes before continuing to eat.

"Is that bad?" I asked curiously.

"No," Irma shrugged. "She just seems to always have a boyfriend. It is weird you know," she added. And it was weird, women back then didn't tend to have more than one male friend.

We parted at Kings Cross only days later, Irma kissed my cheek goodbye, and I could have flown. I was going to ask her out then and there, but suddenly she was gone.

Things were different when we returned for our fifth year. Irma had drastically changed. She shrunk into the shadows, as appose to stealing the spotlight. She quit the Quidditch team and cringed every time the mail arrived.

Eventually she stopped talking to me; well really she stopped talking to everyone, and spent all of her time in the library reading. It only took a summer to completely change the sweet vibrant Irma everyone knew and loved.

I visit the library from time to time and watch her grumble at children, and every time I wonder.

What happened that summer?

… **..**

 **A/N: I think it is pretty obvious what happened, but you guys can make your own interpretations.**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge– Pairing #13: Irma Pince and Cornelius Fudge**

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge – Prompt #13: Ruined**


	14. Not Heaven

**Rating: K**

 **Pairing: Vernon Dursley and Poppy Pomfrey**

 **Warnings: None – just fluffy unrequited love**

…

 **Thinking about our younger years, there was only you and me**

She had certainly changed a lot since the last time I saw her. She was plump now, although it was flattering on her, and I did always find plump women more attractive. She had aged substantially, but then again hadn't I? She seemed to have more pain behind her eyes as she searched through the crowd.

"Who are you looking at?" Petunia snapped at me. She pulled her bag close to her body to avoid any magical folk touching her. I really couldn't blame here.

I hid the smile on my face as I saw Poppy smile brightly at a boy before moving on. She stopped near us and when she looked up I could see the shock in her face.

 **Baby you're all that I want, when I am lying here in your arms**

"Vernon?" she asked. I could feel Petunia glare up at me. I looked quizzically at Poppy as if I had never seen her before in my life. As if I never loved her before.

"Ah, one of Harry's teacher's I presume," I said gruffly trying to look away from her. But I couldn't.

"I am the resident Healer," Poppy said, she was still being sweet and polite. I just wanted to take her in my arms and never look back. "You know that," she added.

"I am sure I have never met you in my life," I lied, it was a cruel lie, one I will regret for many years. I watched as the beautiful light she once had disappeared from her eyes. She realised what I was saying. What I had always been saying.

 **I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**

I did not mix with Magical folk.

"I see," Poppy said. I could see the tear forming along her eye. She swatted away before I could say anything. Then she was leaving me behind, just like all those years ago. Well maybe it was me who left her behind, it was so hard to tell now. Petunia was barking at me to move while pulling on my arm.

We walked out of the station and retuned to our car, as we drove I couldn't help but think of Poppy. I had always felt proud of my life, my beautiful, if not too skinny, wife and my strapping young boy.

But maybe, just maybe, this was not heaven after all.

… **..**

 **A/N: I only just got this couple, but I am pretty sure they are my new favourite couple!**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge– Pairing #14: Vernon Dursley and Poppy Pomfrey**

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge – Prompt #14: Heaven**


	15. Surprises

**Rating: K**

 **Pairing: Anthony Goldstein (Ravenclaw House) and Finbar Quigley (Ballycastle Bats)**

 **Warnings: Homosexual Relationship**

…

Anthony surveyed his friends closely over dinner, he was sure something was about to happen but he didn't know what exactly. Finbar, his long term boyfriend of almost five years, reached under the table and took his hand. This did not help settle Anthony's mood.

"What are you two up to?" he asked suddenly causing a large smile to reach across Michael's face before he was brutally kicked by Terry under the table.

"Nothing," Terry said as seriously as he could.

"Seriously, I don't like surprises," I said haughtily.

"Trust me," Michael said. "We know." I sighed at that, it was not unreasonable to not want surprises in my life.

"Remember at school when we planned his birthday party in the Ravenclaw common room," Terry asked Michael.

"Yes, those poor first years were damn near tormented for information," Michael laughed.

"There were not," I added grumpily.

"Once, I tried to have a romantic dinner planned, I came home to find Anthony snooping through my files to find any information. He did by the way," Finbar added making my friends laugh loudly.

"This is not a competition," I shot at Finbar. Everyone was laughing now and I was starting to lose my patience. "Just tell me," I moaned looking over at Finbar. Finbar smiled and shook his head.

"Okay," he said leaning forward and pulling out a box from his pocket. He sat it on the table and looked across at me.

"I was going to wait to do this, you know," he looked over at Michael and Terry. "When we were alone but here we go. I love you Anthony, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he said softly holding onto my hands. My cheeks were burning a bright red and I could feel tears pooling my eyes.

"Will you Marry Me?" he asked pulling a silver band from the box. I stood up quickly pulling Finbar with me and held him tightly.

"Yes," I whispered causing both Michael and Terry to clap loudly. When we broke apart the ring was on my finger and we were looking down at Michael and Terry.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Well next time you should just wait for surprises," Terry chastised, but there was a smile on his face.

"I love you the way you are," Finbar said pulling me toward him and kissing the top of my head.

"Good," I said. "Because I still hate surprises."

…

 **A/N: Just a fluffy fic, I hope everyone liked this one, I was sort of sick of writing dark and sad installments**

 **For 335 Pairing Bonanza challenge– Pairing #15: Anthony Goldstein (Ravenclaw House) and Finbar Quigley (Ballycastle Bats)**

 **For The "365 Days of Drabbles" Challenge – Prompt #15: Competition**


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